Wednesday, 30 March 2011

Open the Door

I'm someone else tonight. Someone who is not feverishly going over posted words to ensure they are safe or wise. Have I lost my talent? Had I any talent to begin with? I have all of these goals set up before me and all I literally want to do is read, sleep, and then quietly pass into oblivion. How peaceful. 
But I know there are people who need religion in order to feel at peace with themselves, with the afterlife. I guess a picture of some home in the clouds or 72 virgin wives sounds really nice and all, but it just kind of seems like shutting the door on a scary room. 

Let me explain. 
Its like having a really, really dark room somewhere in your basement-a furnace room maybe that emits this eery hum and contains so many crevices and small spaces that you cringe to go though it during the day, let alone at night. So you make it a point to close the door, and not look inside. You know what's behind the door. People know what is behind the door. You've seen it yourself. Its dark, and convoluted, and complicated, and intimidating. I mean you live alone-you are alone-its understandable. So you close the door. You keep it closed. Because even though you know what's behind the closed door, not seeing it makes you less anxious. Not seeing it allows you to muster up other-less intimidating and less frightening-images. And through this cover up, you feel better, at peace. 

This is the way I understand how religion works for intelligent, educated people. They know it can't be true. They know. They know the evidence, they've seen the records, the contradictions, the vastness of the universe...They know. But everything attached with knowing is way too intimidating. Too frightening to know that people die-there are no souls-there is no afterlife (what an awful waste of all those young boys strapping bombs to their chest and dying in the name of some ghost and his apparently bigot last prophet). Only corpses. It's too depressing-too empty. So what should they do? They close the door. They know what exists, they've seen the proof, but they choose to believe that there is something-anything-else other than 

It's comforting, and I understand that. I myself was once the one pushing that door closed with all my might. But one day, I let it go- I opened it, and at first everything came rushing out like an ambush-I had never felt anxiety so fierce. But was gone. Everything was clear. No superstition. No worry. No rationalization. And my life was still meaningful-I still had all the same goals I had originally-I still loved the same movies, music, the same people. But now I felt free. It was magnificent.

Until next time.
Think heavy.

Todays Tea: Jade snow with mint leaves

Monday, 28 March 2011

Half of life is making people go away

The other half is sleeping, apparently.

I am staying up WAY longer than I need to these days, and waking up disgustingly late. Especially since finals are fast approaching and anxiety ridden anger outbursts are slowly creeping up behind me. I can feel them.

I've realized that although the internet in its vast goodness is vastly good, it has made book reading and other forms of reading paper more and more difficult to do OR less and less likely, depending on how you look at it, and also if you read. And although I am aware people read on the internet, it hurts my damn eyes!!! And I am a lover of the simple life! (In a slightly related topic, I have consistently decided that any one of the vlogbrothers- definitely for sure my soul mate, and I wish to meet them both and bask in the glory of their infinite wisdom and patience for acknowledging and distributing fascinating pieces of information).

But yes, the simple life-ideally one where long walks near quiet rivers and lush green grass with a black lab, and a cool person beside me talking about the wonders and horrors of the human condition, and also the empty yet unending unended-ness of the universe. A life where no one is preaching their shit religion or passing judgement on others because of their sexuality, profession, or personal choices. *sigh* I hope, hope, hope I can live long enough to see the world possibly take this beautiful turn into beauty.

And even though there are others who maybe think the way I do, I always feel indescribably alone and unsure. I think everything will change if I travel to a place like Alaska to finish my novel, that everything will change when I come back. That I'll suddenly stop equating money with a better life, and that I will stop getting upset at my beloved and wonderfully wonderful family members no matter what because they put up with me and all my strangeness for a very long time. My anti-social tendencies after all these years have remained partly due to shitty experiences with dumb ass gross people in the world, but also because I find that I only ever connect and enjoy being around a very small (almost insignificant) number of people. I mean I don't think its such a bad thing, but apparently if I don't go out and get shitfaced and surround myself with people ALL the time, I am not living up to my early 20s persona. I like to drink, but I prefer to drink with maybe one or two people, or while watching an old movie holding a glass of red wine. I don't mind socializing but I prefer not to. And I am totally comfortable with that, which more people may find even more strange. Honestly, delving into douglas adams or losing myself in some sort of wonderful book or film gives me more personal pleasure than a man ever did, or ever could. Trust me. And yet I am completely okay with this.

I was going to say other stuff like things and things about other things, but I'll sleep instead, but first leave you with the trailer to one of my favorite movies of all time, introduced to me by one of my favorite people of all time....Why? Because I can! And also because I recently started thinking about it, and remembered how beautifully wonderful, and great in all its greatness it actually is. If you will do nothing else today, ghosts reading my blog, watch this trailer, and then take a nap.

  What are the finer things in life.

Todays Tea: Sencha and matcha blend

GOODnight, and if you happen to come across my thoughts during a dream, remind them to wake me up early.

Sunday, 27 March 2011

Selfless Fools

When we spend our entire lives entrenched in the ideals and opinions of others, we may lose track of what is truly important in life. We go about our days thinking of our diets, our relationships, and our goals. Natural disasters, and death seem millions of miles away-almost as if they are unreal, as if they never happened. We try so hard to desperately figure out the reason for our existence, and follow the rules garnering our lives. So hard that we often forget to actually live. To be able to look out from an open window and watch sunlight coat every surface within view. To take a deep breath, and spill out our thoughts, fears, and beliefs about the world without having to worry about being prosecuted for them.
We've lived so long this way that words like love, peace, patience, and empathy become infested with different meanings. They are no longer universal. You see people holding peace signs, while equipped with weaponry and shooting bullets into the sky. You see women not being able to make their own choices on their own bodies. You see contradictory laws like the legality of pornography, and the prohibition (which never works) of prostitution. People call humans egocentric beings-inherently selfish mammals that only look after themselves by instinct because of years and years of evolutionary changes. But this is a lie. This is a fabrication. Nothing is selfish about who we are. We spend an inordinate amount of time poking our heads and opinions into other people's business. We complain about others who don't believe as we do, who use their bodies differently than we would, who say things we would never say, and do things we would never do. Even further, we condone acts of violence against these people-why? Because they are not like us. We pride ourselves on being accepting, peaceful people, and yet we live our lives always trying to better the supposedly "wrong" things in other people, and at the same time, not allowing for equal right of all in the very country that we live in. What contradictory lines we cross. Life would be a lot better if we were more selfish. If we let others be, and we carried on each with a loving, peaceful nature, a determined will to achieve our goals-whether it be money, family, faith, leisure, or love. We live. We need to start to live.


Today's Tea: Honey Lemon

Monday, 21 March 2011

Ethics and the interpretation of data: Is Child Sexual abuse okay??

I read a particularly interesting blurb in my developmental psychology text today. It was referring to a controversy once surrounding the psychology journal, "Psychology Bulletin" back in 1998. Researchers (Rind and colleagues (1998) published a meta-analysis they had done looking at the ramifications of childhood sexual abuse in college students who had at one point or another experienced the trauma of childhood sexual abuse.

After analyses of the data was examined, researchers concluded, "Self-reported reactions to and effects from child sexual abuse indicated that negative effects were neither pervasive nor typically intense..."

In basic english, this means that researchers were essentially concluding that: there were few, if any, problems related to childhood sexual abuse. 

Obviously this lead to a huge up roar of rage from the public as well as the US government, and even disapproval from the scientific community. Psychology Bulletin (which is a pretty distinguished an respected scientific journal) and the American Psychological Association (APA) got a lot of heat for publishing the article. And even more horrifying was the plethora of pedophilia websites that cited the article as "proof" that having sex with children was not bad.

The APA did not back down. They continued to defend the research, and "academic freedom." What they did however, was provide a significant amount of space in the Psychology Bulletin for published commentaries that disputed and in many cases, blatantly proved the illegitimacy of the research findings.

Now although I will never deny the importance of academic freedom, there is also something called the ethical code, which states that researchers MUST be cautious with how they present and interpret their research findings. Not only was Rind and colleagues' article abundant with methodological limitations which were not thoroughly addressed (like a biased sample, unstandardized variables, a myriad of statistical errors, ect...), but the authors clearly violated the ethical code stating that research findings must be presented in an accurate manner to prevent misinterpretation by others (particularly laypeople)!!!

Now the simple fact that authors (following the huge negative response by the public and scientific community) began double-talking their asses off to try and regain any legitimacy in their research is clear indication that authors obviously did not present their findings objectively enough, while at the same time keeping in mind the overwhelming methodological and procedural limitations of their study.

From a research standpoint, the title of one of the commentaries sums it up best I think, "Sex with children is Abuse" It's as simple as that. And there are a whole shit load of WELL-DESIGNED longitudinal studies that have demonstrated just this: that early childhood sexual abuse is consistently and reliably associated with later psychological and social problems later on in life.

In my opinion, I think its a complete travesty that the article was even approved for publication, because although I sincerely believe in academic freedom, this is a clear-cut case where the benefits of the findings (in addition to being poorly executed) definitely do not outweigh the harmful outcomes caused by their publication.

Until next time...

Todays Tea: Organic japanese sencha

Sunday, 20 March 2011

What a pity

@prime440 You're an idiot on so many levels. Why don't you take a break from you're christian supremacy standpoint, and try to educate yourself on 1) what atheism actually means and the set of beliefs associated with it. And 2) Everything else, because I think you're still living in the past, and I digress from even attempting to put logic, reason, and objectivity into the mind of a 48 year old who has  already solidified their views and opinions permanently. Peace.

This is the final message that I sent to the neanderthal, which failed to be delivered because I was blocked from responding to that particular video anymore. What a beautiful way to reaffirm my earlier points about christians: "Believe in what we tell you, or be an outcast" In this case, don't argue against us, or we'll block you. Not only was I blocked from replying to that dumbass's response (who btw, is the one who initiated the debate only to shy away from confrontation by blocking me from his channel afterward...pathetic), but the person (another dumbass under the name of "rosaryfilms") blocked me from accessing his channel to message him in general.

Now I may be wrong, but in my eyes, if Christians were really 100% sure about what they believe to be god, and his holier-than-tho son jesus christ, not only would they not back away from discussions about the contrary, but they would feel sorry for us (referring to atheists). Pity. Pity would dignify some sort of overwhelming, unbreakable belief in god.

However, I have NEVER once in my life, come across a christian (or muslim for that matter) who showed this type of strength in their beliefs, without first becoming ridiculously enraged. The pattern goes: The discussion ensues, myself answering questions with evidence coming from studies or calculations, and christians quoting phrases from the bible, which is hilarious needless to say, since they seem hellbent on ignoring the obvious atrocities, incest, rape, torture, and sodomy that oh so often appears in the bible (and a hell of a lot more so in the laughable excuse for a text that is the koran). Then after a while of discussion, when they seem to have lost the majority of their jesus covered ammo, they resort to calling attention to the "ridiculousness of the idea of evolution and how we believe we came from apes" ect... All the while ignoring the tons of evidence there is supporting the SCIENTIFIC theory of evolution (refer to for more information), and not to mention the big bang theory. And when you try to explain to them these points, christians drown you out by accusing atheists of simply being attracted to satanist temptations (again ignoring the fact that the absence of a belief in god that is characteristic of atheism would also include an absence of a belief in satan or hell for that matter). Then when you try to elaborate on these basic points, they erupt in anger, and resort to calling you every bad name they could think of, each having nothing to do with the discussion whatsoever. Leading you to sigh, and walk away.
Thanks jesus, for all that confidence =)

Atheists, never be afraid or ashamed to blaspheme. It is a very important ritual which can ground you once again into reality and the mere fact that jesus (as well as muhammad, and other deities held up on a pedestal) were simply charismatic leaders, human beings, that imposed their beliefs on others for some external purpose. And oh how well it has worked. And I sincerely hold true that both can fully kiss my ass.

Today's Tea: Yerbe matte peach

Saturday, 19 March 2011

Coercing Morality

I don't know what it was about today that really got people down, but I was getting cut eye, and attitude left right and center from everybody at work today.

My reading list is causing me to have split second panic attacks every now and then. The one thing that I can honestly say about university is that it put my reading for pleasure on an excruciating halt. I will be immensely glad to be rid of the overwhelming need to read textbooks only once I'm done in ....only a few weeks. Cannot wait.

I had an experience with a jesus following neanderthal today, and it is continuing. I don't want to feed these people's ignorance, but I can't stop responding to this dumbass. He stance is that the idea of a secular government will send society into a chaotic uproar, which is completely FALSE! Its been said before, but I'm saying it again, the biggest downfall of humanity has been the hijacking of morality by religion. And it is a damn tragedy. People can't even imagine any other way so they immediately associate any atheist that comes there way with an avid satan worshiper who wants anything but peace....*sigh* Needless to say, I don't think people who have this opinion have any grasp on what being an atheist actually means, but I digress.

I am an atheist. Am I tearing people's heads off? Am I eating people's flesh, and stabbing whoever pisses me off? No. OMG then I MUST be following jesus' way or life. No you dumbass, I am a 22 year old competent person who has morals. Morality remains. Even after religion. You do not need a fucking book to tell you basic moral guidelines such as "hmm I shouldn't shoot this person in the face, because it would probably hurt and kill them, and also anyone could do the same thing to me if they wanted, and I don't want that, because I don't want to die." Ok great. I will not shoot the person. Thanks Jesus.

Consider this analogy:
You are walking along, and you see an elderly man holding a a large sum of shopping bags. He trips on a rock and the bags, along with the elderly man, fall to the ground.

Now a person sees this and immediately helps the man up, and tries to salvage what could be salvaged of the shopping bags, because they wanted to.

Same scenario: A person helps the elderly man because they are offered $500 if he/she helps.

Same scenario: A person helps the old man because he/she knows that there are snipers in the roofs of the buildings around them that will shoot at this person if he/she does not help the old man.

All three of these people helped the old man, and I'm sure that the old man was grateful for the help by each of them. But who's help would be the most meaningful and based on genuine morality out of all three people:

The person deciding to help just because they were in the same place as the old man, and wanted to help? OR the other two who were essentially coerced into helping the old man so that they could avoid punishment or gain a reward?

I hope this analogy and how it relates to that dumbass's claim (that society would be chaos if religion -specifically christianity- did not have some part in government or the legal system) is clear enough. The moral is (no pun intended): Morality remains. Even in the absence of religion.
And as some anonymous voice poignantly exclaimed, "Morality is doing what is right no matter what you're told, whereas religion is doing what you are told no matter what is right."


Today's Tea: Chamomile flowers.

Monday, 14 March 2011


A piece I finished while I should have been working on my paper:

I awoke in a burst of fiery
sparks engulfed my very skin
I had been living life but just barely
equating faith with fitting in

I never thought as others thought
so I kept quiet and said not one thing
stars above are what I truly sought
not some god who made everything

For months, I read about the skies
each word glued itself to me
finally I embraced their webs of lies
I wanted deeply to make them see

But when I told them what I had found
they all laughed and called it a phase
and pretty soon, I won't mind the sound
for reason showed the holes in their case

All their beliefs stem from grief and fear
but they will kill to silence this voice
science and reason, they will not hear
since their religion gives no choice

Consider the question of wrong and right
is religion needed to distinguish the two?
to tell you not to kill, steal, or fight?
of course not, for morality lives within you

Now you know how science saved my life
when I felt alone and didn't know what to do
not god, but love of reason healed my strife
imagine no religion and it can heal you too

because lets face it, "faith: is not wanting to know what is true" 

Todays Tea: Jade Snow with mint leaves

Until later...

Friday, 11 March 2011

As predicted...

Like I predicted, hitchhikers guide movie "ruined" the book for my sister, in her words. And like I predicted, she wished that she had listened to me and never watched it. Good news is that you tend you forget about the terrible casting, and script changing massacre that occurred in the movie once you delve deeper into the series, so she does not seem too discouraged thankfully.

"It is known that there are an infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them to be in. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all the planets in the Universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the population of the whole Universe is also zero, and that any people you may meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination."

-Douglas Adams (my soul mate)

Todays Tea: Jade snow with lavender flowers.
Until next time...


So my sister is an awesome being because she just nabbed two tickets to the toronto-habs game for april 9-their last game before the playoffs. And holy shit am I excited. But of course I can't be excited for an extended length of time without having something else looming over me. This is my final exams, which OF COURSE have to be scheduled on the 9th and 13th of April. BUT exam is from 12-2 and game doesn't start until 7. My plan is: studying 10x longer before the 9th (for both exams at once), write exam, go to game, leave at 6am the next day because I don't live in toronto, and study for the remaining 3 days for my next exam on the 13th. This is the plan. Whether I actually stick to it or not is dependent on a myriad of factors in addition to the inconsistencies of my moods. But this game's very important, because it is montreal, and because it is toronto. (also the spectacular $200+ seats dont hurt either).

In more serious news, I would like to mention the increasing number of lives that were lost in Japan today as a result of the 8.5 scale earthquake and subsequent tsunami. I hope that Japan gets all the help that they need to re-build their cities that were devastated by the disaster, and salvage what was lost once the waters recede.

Now I am off to watch the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy with my sister (who has never seen it, so its her first time), and I am a little anxious. I made her start reading the books recently, and she is almost finished the restaurant at the end of the universe, and LOVES the series (as I suspected she would because we are a lot alike lol). But I do not want to tarnish the images of the characters and setting that she has in her head by showing that movie (which I thought was a terrible adaptation of the book like almost every film adaptation of a book in human history), but she cannot be talked out of it. Believe me, I've tried.

Todays Tea: Chamomile

Wednesday, 9 March 2011

On the Topic of "Respect"

So what I have noticed from talking to people close to me is they all seem to point to one huge criticism they have that I am not respecting people's opinions and beliefs about religion and such. Now this kind of got me down, because I really pride myself on trying my best to understand and put myself in other people's position. But in all honesty, they are mostly right. I don't have respect for many of the fundamental guidelines of the major religions, or people that follow them religiously (no pun intended)....and why would I? When you look up the definition of respect, the same word that keeps popping up is "esteem"-having esteem for such and such. In a nutshell the word respect denotes showing consideration or appreciation for something/belief/ect.... So in reference with that definition, hell no I most certainly do not have respect for Religion, which is why I say the things that I say, and its why I write the things that I write.

Another reason is the mere fact that it is my view and my thought, and I have the right to express it. All over facebook for example, I find people promoting their views I do not agree with: People posting daily quotes from the bible, people arguing about how stupid vegetarianism/veganism is, people making really hurtful homosexual slurs, ect. And I am not crying over it, or silently messaging them that they should "respect other people's opinions." Why? Because they want to express themselves, because expressing yourself and something you are passionate about (for me, atheism, evolution, freedom of speech) FEELS GOOD. Am I not entitled to express myself and my views like everyone else? Should I be silenced because I'm hurting your feelings? Tough, deal with it. Say what you want about my views, it wont phase me because I am secure in them, which is way more than I can say about most religious fanatics.

I used to live in this polite box where I believed I should keep my disbelief quiet and show respect for other people's beliefs no matter how fucked up I thought they were, and I can tell you straight up with no hesitation, after reading and reviewing  some of the fundamental groundwork of Islam, Judaism and Christianity, I was WRONG! Clear cut. Hell no, I have no respect for those beliefs. Respect cannot be generalized like that. If a guy came up to you and said "I hate black people, because white people are superior, and I think all black people should be forced to live on one continent away from all the white people," are you going to reply, "Oh well sir, I disagree but I respect your opinion." FUCK NO! Assuming you are not a fellow douche bag yourself, you will probably respond by saying, "You racist prick, get the fuck out of my face before I stab you in the eye."

In similar taste, why the hell should I respect a religion that denotes homosexuality as demonic and sinful? Why should I respect a religion that equates women as being nothing more but the "brickwork in hell"? Why would I respect the opinion of an asshole that believes he has the right to physically abuse his wife whenever he deems necessary because his holy prophet said it was okay? Why would I respect a religion that teaches the earth is less than 14,000 years old? Why the fuck would I respect a religion that presented gang rape, sodomy, and homicide of a women as a religious experience? I could go on....

So, am I supposed to just give respect to anyone who agrees with these things or supports a religion that houses them? Just because its their religious belief/opinion? Should I just stay quiet and fake respect and appreciation for opinions or beliefs even if I wholly and fundamentally disagree with them? Because I'm pretty sure thats called hypocrisy, kids.

So no, I will definitely not be hiding the fact that I have zero respect for any organized religion that I personally see as being malign to society, the world, and in most cases clearly violates basic human rights. So I will continue to post as I learn more and more about the the topic, and other relevant topics that fascinate/annoy me. 

I highly recommend and urge others with like opinions to not be scared, and speak up. This lingering taboo that surrounds talking about religion needs to be put to bed, once and for all. 

And let me just clarify, yes I DO want people to hear what I am saying and take my opinion into consideration. But I am NOT just looking for mindless nods and "respect." It's not like I'm fucking stopping muslims on the street and laughing in their faces. Its not like I'm preaching atheism in a church. This is my blog (just like my facebook page is MY facebook page). If you happen to stumble upon either of them and get really insulted or pissed at my "beliefs," then don't read my blog. Better yet, get off the fucking internet.

Todays Tea: Sencha with thyme.

Until next time, get informed about something.


Tuesday, 8 March 2011

Reasonably Happier

What is an indication that in the future atheism will spread like wildfire? Atheists are happier! National research study examining subjective well being (SWB) in 55 nations found that the top five happiest nations in the world are: Denmark, Switzerland, Austria, Iceland, and the Bahamas. With numbers 6 and 7 being of course: Finland and Sweden. Is it not fascinating that in most of these countries (namely Iceland, Denmark, Finland, Sweden), the majority of the civilian population (I am talking 80% or more) are atheist/agnostic. Hmmm.....could there be a correlation? Now I spoke to my professor about this one inherent glaring conclusion that seemed to have been skimmed over by the researchers (to those interested the article is called "Factors predicting the SWB of nations" and its by Diener and colleagues (1995). Anyway what my professor told me (the annoying one) was that it does not have much to do with religion but simply that these nations give the freedom to choose to be religious or not (in other words, freedom of religion). And that would make sense if countries (which also give that right) such as the US weren't so far down the list (but this is probably a bad example considering the amount of factors varying that predict happiness-read the article to know what I mean). What also occurred to me is the fact that when people living in wealthy, liberal, SECULAR nations such Denmark are given the guaranteed opportunity to choose to be religious or not, the substantial and significant majority choose to NOT be religious, and are as a result, significantly happier than other nations for that choice. Hmmm.....really makes you think dont it?

Men who stare at goats was unbelievably funny. There were some parts where I could not even hear the rest of the dialogue because I was laughing so hard. I HIGHLY recommend it. What makes it even more perfect and definitely buy-able, is the fact the story and corporation that is highlighted is TRUE! It actually happened, and was a real ongoing project of the US military. SO good.

Never Let Me Go is next on my list (trailer----> Looks amazing, but I would really like to watch it with somebody, but will most likely end up watching it one night on the computer before bed, because literally no one I know is both accessible AND interested in the same movies as me :S But I don't mind I suppose.

I'm running a few participants tomorrow before my science of well-being class, and I swear I am dreading it. Not the research but the class. I HATE the prof. She's SO fucking annoying, monotone, unattractively burly, and not engaging AT ALL. I have been in University long enough to know that the professor of a course makes the course. A great prof can make an unbearable course enjoyable, and a bad uninteresting prof can make a potentially spectacularly interesting course excruciatingly painful. And I am telling you she has really made my top 2 worse profs I have ever had. So I have really come to dread wednesdays.

Off to bed.
Todays Tea: Yerba Mate with peppermint, stinging nettle, liquorice root, elderflower blossoms, rose hip peal, and lime blossoms.
Yerba Mate is an amazing herb with more antioxidants than green tea, it boosts your immune system, and speeds your metabolism. So get on that :)


Monday, 7 March 2011

Movie Night

So it turns out I am a fucking idiot and I should have booked my Alaska cruise when I first fucking looked at the damn prices back in November. It seems like it is slim pickings now and will only get worse as time passes by. So I have decided to give up on the idea that I could book this thing by myself, and get a travel agent, which in hindsight, I should have done a long time ago. Ideally, what I am looking for is 8 nights cruise, where you sleep on the boat every night and your food is included in your purchase, which I think all cruise lines offer. The complexity comes into play when deciding which day to leave, what kind of room you want, and how exactly to synchronize the flight to and from Vancouver with the departure and arrival of the ship. This will be the biggest bitch to overcome, but I'll just leave it to the travel agent I suppose. With school, and grad school looming over me, I don't have time to think of this shit right now. Plus there is the very real possibility I will have to share a room with someone, and this is honestly the last thing I want. But I am determined, I need to go.

Well, today I had to go all the way to school to run two lousy participants. It was supposed to be a worthwhile day, because I was going to drop by my old Religion Professor who taught me South Eastern Religions way back during my first year at University. And I was pretty nervous, because I was very much intimidated by him. Not only was he the sweetest, coolest, elder man who is 65 years old and still teaching, but he was an atheist as well who mentioned that being so gave him the ability to view and study religions rationally. He also said his whole world is teaching and plans to do it until he just dies one day during a lecture haha H is that cool.

Unfortunately, I got there just as his office hours were starting (thinking I could catch him right away and we could talk without interruption), but just my luck, he had 8 other students waiting outside, which he ushered in to his office, because I guess he figured it would be a lot more efficient to have a mini-conference with everyone present rather than conversing one by one. I would have gone in as well, but at least 3 of the girls were wearing the scarf crap on the heads, I mean hijab, so I obviously did not want to blatantly offend anyone, especially when is is no longer my professor, so I left. But I plan to make an appointment with his maybe sometime next week. I am just really fascinated by his years, and YEARS of studying religions and the places he has been. I would also love to learn when he chose reason over fairy tales (I mean Religion) in his life.

Later I went over to my sisters place and watched (in a row) 127 Hours and then Fantastic Mr.Fox. Both were very, very well done. Having said this, I would never watch 127 hours again. It was completely uncomfortable to watch. I was literally cringing and extremely tense the ENTIRE move. Not one second did I relax. The whole film is a build up (literally) to the inevitable cutting off the arm scene, which may I say Danny Boyle (director) could NOT have made more authentic if he tried. It was....very very hard to watch. And I am absolutely not surprised that many people who watched it in theaters were puking int he aisles, although it never came to that for me, because after all, I am not too turned off by blood. It was the excrement, and the dull knife that really sank down into my nerves. But on the bright side boys, taking your girlfriend to see it will guarantee you some very close contact and squeezing all throughout the film haha. AND the fantastic Mr. fox was very well done, but if you have not seen/or like anything by Wes Anderson than you may take a while to warm up to the writing and the humor. Nonetheless if I had to describe it in one word: Charming would be it. Plus you cant go wrong with the cast.

Now, I should get some sleep. I have to wake up tomorrow pretty early to watch Men who Stare at Goats with my brother in law. This movie I am really, really excited to see.

Fuck my movie list has surpassed ridiculous at this point:
Blue Valentine
The King's Speech
Love and Other Drugs
Never Let Me Go
The Fighter
Winter's Bone
The Kids are Alright
Killing in the Name
...I could go on, but I am tired.

Also, the feature on the Discovery Channel on sunday (Earth: The making of a planet) was spectacular. I highly recommend it. It is an awesome way to spend two hours of your time.

Todays Tea: Jade snow (which I purchased 74grams of today) :s


Friday, 4 March 2011

Belief in Nothing

Re-gifting shit is not okay. I don't understand the widely held belief that something that was given to you is now your property for you to give to anyone else and stomp all over the fucking feelings of the person who initially gave you the gift. I am not talking about random people who you have never met and don't care about. People that you've spent about 2 minutes thinking about what gift to buy them, no. That is not the people that I am referring to. I am referring to the people that you care about. The people you would do anything for. The people you think about constantly, and feel fucking guilty about screaming at even though it was their fault! How can you take someone that is that close to you, take a gift that this person thought long and hard about, spent a lot of money on, and give it to fucking someone else. Or lose it? It is about the most rude thing that I think anyone can do. That's like ...I dont even know. But it does not feel good. At all.

In other news, I had a long and pointless argument with whom I like to refer to as atheist-phobes. The same people that try to grasp at something to insult an atheist with but can't find anything so they resort to the idiotic and circular claim of: "Well atheism is like a religion anyway." At which point any atheist would say, "How is it like a religion exactly? That sounds like a ridiculous claim"
To which the ignorance that follows is along the lines of: "Well atheists believe in nothing. Nothing is still something. So you do believe in something."


Yea. Believe me, I wish I were making this shit up. But alas, this is what we have to deal with. Also a lot of "Well you believe in science, thats something."

No shit sherlock, we never claimed we don't believe. We believe in reason, fact, and evidence, which is the foundation of science and scientific research. Oh and by the way would people do their fucking research and stop equating the theory of evolution with an idea that has always remained and still is just an idea? It's not. This is the main problem with attaching theory to the front of Evolution-it acts as fuel for ignorance and mindless drones. A theory is different from a scientific theory. Any dumb ass idiot can come up with the former. The latter however, signifies that different variables of the theory have been tested multiple times on several occasions at various points of time by different researchers all coming up with the same results. This would equal, lets say it together kids, high validity and reliability. Yes.

But if you all are still anxious about the idea of believing in nothing, we can make it a religion! All we have to do is have some sort of bullshit book written by men (obviously, because women are incapable of thought according to mainstream religion, and we do want to be mainstream so we can poison the most amount of minds). Now this book would contain a series of rules, pornographic ancient stories, and ridiculous unproven claims of fairies and supernatural wonders that sound amazing and spiritual and such. Oh and the creator of this holy book (male, dont forget its a male) has to have a beard of some sort, but thats just common sense. Then we'll throw in some kind words like "Love thy neighbor" to get people hooked (except if that neighbor is homosexual or doesn't believe in nothing like you do-in this case, you should pity them, acknowledge that they will go to hell and burn, and then try to convert them. If this fails, kill them in the most sadistic way possible (thanks Islam for that little Gem). Also women have to be oppressed in some way! They cannot and should not have the same rights as men, and they must hold reproduction as their highest and only mission in life. Leave the difficult stuff like education and driving for men (thanks Saudi Arabia for that tidbit). And finally and most importantly, anything (including facts and evidence) that contradicts what our religion (of believing in nothing) ultimately claims or represents, then you must assume that it is not true (ahhemm Christianity) or convince yourself that it has already been told by your religion's holy book (lets just call it the big book of believing in nothing) so just pay someone a lot of money to write a book that claims that it does and potentially ruin and infect millions upon millions of innocent minds so they too can believe (ahhemm Islam). So yay!! We made it a religion! Oh and also scatter some random bits of sodomy, rape, abuse, and violence throughout! Want to join now?

What's the moral of this then?:

Read a book of science will ya???
And NO! Not the Koran!

Im off now. Night.

Todays Tea: Jade snow with mint and thyme.

Thursday, 3 March 2011

Belittling Curiosity

I feel as though I have just awoken.

Living my life as some idiot calling herself an Atheist when really, maybe I just wanted to piss people off. All along, the answer has been staring at me in the face everyday. the same beautiful picture that I spent my childhood thriving upon, that I've spent countless summers being immersed in the literature of, that I've asked endless questions about....The stars. The stars are on our side, Athiests.

I don't know how to even begin. All my life I have spent teetering on the edge, hungry to fall in, wanting needing to let go, but terrified because of what has been drilled into me. Into my mind, into my heart, into my soul. I love my parents, because they have instilled in me my love of curiosity, but they have also fed me fear of the lord in the bible. I never wanted to let go fully because I imagined that I was alone. That no other atheist felt, looked like me or wanted the same things I wanted: Knowledge, peace, understanding, patience, curiosity, and love. Everytime I had mentioned my atheism, in the past to someone else, I was put down like a sick dog, a pathetic insolent hooligan who was just trying ot get attention. They never asked me about my love of astronomy, or of the human condition, or my curiosity. And so I was fed this image of the typical atheist. Someone who I did not want to see when I looked at myself in the mirror. I tried everything to stray away from what I thought was wrong (i.e. the bible) while at the same time trying to cling on to any form of spirituality in order to not feel empty, not feel alone. When all along, I should have embraced those feelings and the others out there that speak my language, my thoughts, my curiosities. I rejected critianity, and clung on to Budhism, but I still never felt safe. I always felt anxious and always on the brink of going insane because every word and question that left my lips was shut down immediately not just by my parents, but by those in my life who I trust most.

I don't even know these people:

...and yet I feel like they are telling my secrets, and thoughts to the world. An atheist does not have to be the dumb idiot uneducated satan-loving goth that gets so often associated with the word, It just has to be.

Just be. You exist. You are made of star dust. You live. You die. Like an ant. Like a zebra. Like a human. Embrace it, and filfill your hunger for curiosity. do not shut it off or turn it down because the bible or the koran tell you it is irrelevant, a test, or sin. It is none of those things, it is beautiful. It is your brain, and neurons working avidly inside your young supple skin. Dont waste their energy, feed them. Learn. Love. And be Free.

You do not have to submit to allah because that is what is forced upon you by the hadith. You do not have to hide away your sexuality or love of equality because the bible says it is sin. As a very intelligent man by the name of Alex once told me, "You do not need a Religion to tell you not to kill eachother." It is inherant within us as human beings, as living, breathing creatures who feel pain, empathy, and fear. It is natural, and it is a part of life. Religion just gets in the way and leads to unnecessary outcomes and when looking at the middle east today, to violent and deplorable violantions of human rights. Atheism does not equal violence, just look at the statistics:

Compare the crime rates and even general violence of these Religiously dominated countires:

Iraq-97% Muslim
Saudi Arabia-100% Muslim
Afghanistan-99% Muslim
Columbia-93.5% Christian
Israel-76% Jewish/16% Muslim
and even
USA-78% Christian

With these largely Irreligious countries:

Sweden-85% Atheist/Agnostic
Norway-72% Atheist/Agnostic
Denmark- 80% Atheist/Agnostic
Japan- 84% Atheist/Agnostic

Anyway strangers, my next participant is about to come through the door now. Until next time. Remember to think.

Todays Tea: None-I've been at school since 9am and now I am going through withdrawals :(